A Brutal Fantasy

Ringing. That’s the first thing I hear when I wake up. Then I start to see things. Or, at least, I think I am. Everything’s got a blurry outline, like when your phone camera tells you to move the camera back to get a better focus. Only, I can’t focus on anything, because I can’t remember anything to focus on. The blurry shape of a face slides into view. It’s a woman, I’d guess middle-aged, with brown-streaked-grey hair. Her face bears deep creases, like she’s been worried for a long time. I wonder what happened. Must have been bad.

“Lidya. Lidya? Can you hear me?” 

Lidya? Who is Lidya? And then it clicks. I am Lidya. That’s my name. And that woman…she’s my mother! It’s only then do I notice a man with wavy blonde hair standing behind her, also looking worried. That’s my father! Yes, I remember them now. But only them. Nothing else.

“Mom” is the only word I get out before she embraces me. I feel tears on her cheek, hear her hushed sobs.

“Oh, my dear. We thought…you wouldn’t remember us.” she breathes. 

“I do. I remember you. And Dad. But…nothing else.” I reply. Why am I here? Before I can ask, my father rushes over to embrace, muttering relieved sentences. 

“Why…am I here?” I ask, almost with uncertainty. 

“You…” my mother begins, but then shakes her head. She grasps Dad’s arm and leads him to the corner of the room. They mutter things in tense voices. Then they cross over to me.

“Nothing, sweetheart. You had a particularly bad cold, is all.” Dad says reassuringly. A funny notion hits me. The world…it must be perfect! Yes, I can see it through my window. A bright, sunny day, flowers blooming, trees tall and healthy, grass green and well kept. This world…I have to wonder how I forgot something so close to paradise. 

“The world…it’s so perfect, isn’t it?” I whisper. Mom purses her lips, and Dad raises his eyebrows slightly. Then they nod, smiling weakly. A grin spreads over my face. Suddenly, the door swings open and a woman with dark red hair and a stern face walks in, her long white coat covering a green silk blouse and a black pencil skirt. I turn my head at the clacking of her heels, finding the noise eerie and unfamiliar. The woman, who I take to be a doctor, grips a clipboard and heads straight to my parents, greeting them with a curt nod. She mumbles something to them, and their eyes widen with fear. My mother’s hands splay out and tremble as she responds to the doctor, her lips moving so rapidly I can’t keep track of them. The doctor’s face remains calm as she says something back, then strides over to me. 

“Hello, Lidya. I am Doctor Fosner. Do you remember anything?” she says in a commanding voice. I shake my head and she purses her lips.

“I’m going to explain everything. Five days ago, you were in a taxi that was driving to a mall when you unfortunately collided with another car. The crash rendered you unconscious and put you in the hospital. I’m afraid you have amnesia. It’s a condition of memory loss.”

I blink. That doesn’t make any sense at all. The world is perfect. So how could something so horrible happen?

“No, that’s…that doesn’t make any…any sense. The world is perfect, right?” I stammer. Doctor Fosner gives a sharp glance at my parents, who nervously look at the floor.

“Did you tell that to yourself?” Doctor Fosner asks. I nod and point out the window.

“See? Perfect. Right?” 

When no one responds, I repeat myself.

“Right, Doctor Fosner?” 

She shakes her head. For the first time, a look of pity crosses her face.

“Honey, the world isn’t perfect. It’s never been perfect. You’re lying to yourself.”

I grip my sheets so hard I feel they might rip. My breathing starts to quicken, my heart beating so fast it’s the only thing I can hear. I am vaguely aware of a beeping coming from next to me. The world…isn’t perfect? No. No! How is that possible? But I don’t have time to think about it before I black out.