Ecstasy Of Ignorance

A honeyed voice tingled shrilly through the surrounding air. 

“Going Through,” it said, with a pause, “in three, two, one!” 

He was jittering with excitement in his seat. Suddenly, there was a great loud whoosh, and his world disappeared. He dared not open his eyes.

“You have now arrived. Enjoy!”

Every birthday from the age of 7, he had wished for this, he had longed for this. Every holiday, he saw his classmates and their families having the best time of their lives Submerged in endless paradise and countless luxuries, then coming back shoving stupendous shiny souvenirs in his face, all while he had to be happy living on the daily rations. It was a lot to handle. He was a grateful boy, aware that he was blessed to live healthily, but it was just so unfair. And so the resentment, along with the desire of having this privilege, built up. 

A better life is all I need.. He had never lost sight of this goal. Working tirelessly nine hours a day, hauling his backside to work past the sleepless nights and grueling days. Trudging through the gritty sludge of each day, he had clenched his teeth and carried on. Even as every day dragged on longer than ever, he did not stop. He didn’t dare stop. He was determined to fulfill his desires, and challenge all those who hadn’t believed him. 

And now, as he sat back in his chair, he smiled for the first time in twenty years. He did it.

Flying towards the nearest store with messy bundles of saved up cash in hand, droplets of sweat flying off him and into the musky air, he felt inexplicable bliss taking over his mind. I did it!  Exiting the store now carrying a dented cardboard box and some change, the ethereality of the situation kicked in. He didn’t know what was more unbelievable - actually achieving his ambitious aspirations or the newly unlocked world he could finally explore. He was the one in a trillion, escaping the wrath of the rat race, taking charge of his own life. 

Stepping into his apartment, he looked around. His bed, lay strewn in the corner of the enclosure, was unkempt, on which piles of dirty clothes and blankets laid shriveled and prone. Unfortunately, he could not care less. The box opened with ease, and the inside was empty but for an mottled pair of gray goggles. His heart fluttered with excitement. Lifting the goggles carefully from the box, he tightened the strap around his head. 

He’s welcomed with open arms. Wide smiles surrounded him, extending warm words. He shivered. Must be from my excitement, he thought. 

Grass. Flowers. Trees. The sound of birds chirping, the scent of freshly mowed grass and flowers, the shockingly bright greenery with dabs of color. Oh wow. It was as if the world turned a whole 360 and everything had changed for the better. A tug of his pants. What is that? A curious creature looked up at him with longing eyes and a cheeky smile. It was brown, the color of his chair back home, and so soft to the touch! Squirrel. He had learnt about them back when he could still afford to go school, before he started working. He had thought they were extinct, but here they were! Squeaking and hopping and more alive than ever, and suddenly growling and biting his hand. Maybe this is how squirrels act? Or maybe he imagined it, because the furry animal had now curled up in his palm, begging to be stroked. From here on, the surprises just kept coming. It was all so bizarre, so surreal. 

Water. Ocean? Lake. He hadn’t even noticed that an incredibly large body of water, bigger than he had ever seen, stood right beside him. It shimmered under the sun’s warm rays as creatures below the surface darted here and there, occasionally jumping up to enjoy the fresh breeze. Smiling gently up at him while he stared down with wonder, a warm sensation filled his body. The vast beauty of this massive being was overwhelmingly blinding. He couldn’t comprehend that this was real. But it’s not real, is it? That was the least of his concerns. The bliss was never-ending, and free for him to enjoy.

“Battery is low! Emerging in three, two, one…” 

Oh my days. He was inevitably back where he began. Looking around in amazement, as if he had forgotten the world he had lived in his whole life, everything dawned on him. His apartment looked smaller than ever, its squeezing expanse was suffocating. It was perplexing how it all played out - how can one forget hell so easily with just one glimpse at heaven? He didn’t know the answer to that, but he did know that he was impatient, desperate to escape once again. And so he went back, and back, and back again. Again with the new surprises and new adventures and new luxuries to experience. 

Ever so often, though, he would notice a crack. An accidental slip. One ungrateful creature, one bitter candy bar, one rude comment muttered under one’s breath. Am I tripping? He always gaslighted himself back into thinking he was hallucinating, it was not real, it couldn’t be real. But it was real. He knew it too, as he saw it more frequently, an unsettling weight building on him. Soon, he dreaded ever entering, the guilt and worry and anxiety washing over his thoughts and interfering with his life, shaking him up. I don’t get it. Why was this life, the one he worked so desperately hard for, failing to satisfy? Why was everyone else pretending all was well, evading reality? 

I have to do something. It was unjust. He had felt annoyance and annoyance only the past few days, except for sprinkles of doubt and worry. It was so puzzling to him, why everyone didn’t see the flaws he saw, and if they did, why ignore them? I know why. He weighed the reality of the situation, and maybe the others were right. Why let a paradise go to waste when nothing is stopping you from enjoying it? But then, there was something stopping you. What about the real world? The world he was born in he couldn’t forget. He had a duty, he should be responsible, he couldn’t be this selfish - as the wealthy took advantage of the privilege of ecstasy, the world as he knew it would deteriorate further and perish. But I worked for this. I deserve this privilege. He so hopelessly wanted to keep this newfound bliss - he gave his blood sweat and tears for it after all. But my family, my friends… It would be a betrayal to continue on like this when he was the only one who knew. The power in his hands shook him. It was an unusual feeling, one he had never been in contact with, and it burdened him greatly. Oh my great heavens above. I don’t know what to do.

He was brought up well. Appreciative of what he had even if it was little, he had virtues and morals and always did what was right. However, this was also when he had never experienced the thrill of fulfilling your desires, the ecstasy of being ignorant. What to do? Both options would result in loss - loss of the promised land, or loss of reality. Above all, he was determined. No matter the decision, he would work endlessly until he achieved it, regardless of the hardships he would have to overcome.

 And maybe that’s all that mattered.